A girl and her shoes.

We found out something new about Abby today--she is a shoe girl. While I was trying to get the kids ready and out the door, she kept disappearing into my bedroom only to return with a mismatched pair of shoes for me to wear. She would put the shoes on my feet and then retreat back to the closet to bring me another pair. But when she returned she looked confused, as if she didn't remember that she brought out the first pair or maybe she was wondering why I was still wearing shoes that were so "five minutes ago".

Today is also the first time that I let Abby choose her own shoes to wear. I love the ones that she selected. Although they clashed a bit with the outfit, a good pair of shoes can't be passed up!

My "Problems" in Perspective

I used to think that I had problems--a frustration with my children, a fight with my husband, an insecurity within myself. These things seemed so huge to me, and don't get me wrong, they were at the time. When something goes wrong in our world everything seems to come crashing down. Many times in my adult life I have felt like life just wasn't fair and that my world as I knew it was falling apart.

Now I realize that all of those little things were just day to day troubles that really had no lasting affect on my job as a mother, on my marriage, or who I am in Christ. But now I honestly feel like my world really is falling apart. My problems seem so huge, so "right there in my face" to the point that I can't go a day or even an hour without feeling like I am going to fall apart myself. My problems now involve my dilemma of how to find the words to say when my mom says how awful it is to be alone and how hard it is to move forward when the one you're supposed to move forward with isn't there. My problems consist of me trying to shove the images out of my head of a man that can hardly swallow his pain medication because cancer has overtaken his body and he's in the process of dying. My problems consist of my son telling me that he misses his Papa and is sad that Jesus took him away. My problems are trying to pretend that things are getting better because that's what everyone expects (and what I expected, for that matter) when they are really getting so much worse.

My problems are different now. My pain is more real that I ever thought it could be. But my trust in the Lord is much stronger. I know that in my despair that He is the only one who can pull me out. He has given me a desire to try to find happiness in the midst of sorrow. He has given me so much joy in my marriage and He has given me unbelievable friends to lean on. He has also given me the gift of being able to understand pain and I pray that through Him I can empathize with those right in the midst of their own pain.

The grief counselor that met with our family when we started hospice with Dad helped me find the words to say to Jacob during Dad's final days. She kept telling me that I was equipping him with tools that he would use later in life--that by understanding death (as much as he could) at such a young age, that he would be able to face any tragedies that could come his way. Each encounter with sadness and sorrow was one more tool in his box that he could pull out one day to help someone else to get through a difficult time.

How true for myself, too. But as much as I don't want to carry around this toolbox, I know that God has placed me in this position for a reason. I pray that He can heal me, strengthen me, and use me for His glory. I pray that He uses these tools to build me into someone a little more like Him--someone that has seen sadness, but someone who can rejoice and praise God in the midst of it all knowing that there will come a day when every tear will be wiped away and sorrow will be felt no more. It's the hope of that day that motivates me, that excites me, and that pushes me forward closer to the goal of eternity with my Savior.

Hot Summer Days

Although we have a pool this year, it's far too much of an adventure to take both kiddos in while Brad is at work. Instead we have found some great local parks that have water features. Jacob has become quite the little fishy and loves to run through the "waterfalls" and lay in the "streams". Abby, on the other hand, is quite content to sit with Mommy on the blanket and eat snacks all afternoon. Here are a few of my favorite park pictures.

Our little girl

I think that Abby has officially graduated from babydome into little girlhood. Although she will always be my baby (and Jacob, too, for that matter), she has become quite the little lady. She's constantly mothering her baby dolls--feeding them, strolling them around the house, and snuggling them before putting them down for "nigh-nigh". Even though she can keep up with Jacob quite well in the backyard and doesn't mind digging in the garden for strawberries, she's always sure to show Mommy her dirty hands so they can be wiped off before she picks up her dollies. She is a little girl through and through and we are so glad that God gave us our Abby.

Garage Sale-ing!

So we held our first Relay for Life fundraiser and let me tell you, I love garage sales. I think I actually like having a garage sale more than going to them. Of course there is always the thrill of a good find while actually going garage sale-ing, but I've discovered that the people watching while hosting a sale is much more rewarding.

We recently asked our neighbors, family members, and friends to donate items for us to sell to raise money for the American Cancer Society. We had a garage full of treasures (and in some cases junk, but hey, one man's junk is another man's treasure, right?). It took a while to price everything, pull it out onto the driveway, and physically sell, but it was so worth it. Worth the money raised of course, but also worth the memories that we will have of the characters that came our way. Many people told me how they had personally been affected by cancer, shared their stories, and purchased their goodies. Others were memorable by their comments like, "Well, why isn't all of this for sale" when peering into our actual garage. "It's not a moving sale, sir. We have to keep some things."

All in all it was a great day, a great effort, and as my dad would say, "Hotter than blue blazes!" And a special thank-you to Grant and Jaime (0k, mostly Jaime) for their delicious cupcakes and to Rob and Danielle for bearing the heat with us and bringing in sales. Good friends are hard to come by and we sure are blessed with this batch! Thanks everyone!

Oh, and we raised $1,137.25!

Take me out to the ballgame!

So Jacob and Daddy had some much needed bonding time this past Sunday. Brad had been out of town the week before and Jacob was showing us that he needed some extra one-on-one. Though we didn't want to reward his crazy, attention grabbing behavior, we knew that some father / son time would do everyone a world of good so Jacob and Brad headed out to the Rivercats game.

Jacob has been to several games in the past, but being only nearly-three, he didn't remember too much. This day was different, though. He had his picture taken with Dinger, got a foam claw, and even ran on the bases with the big kids after the game. It is surely a day that he will not soon forget.

Family Fun

This past Sunday Brad and I decided to take a drive to visit the Nut Tree Family Park. They recently opened up the park again and it's really nice! I was pleasantly surprised by how clean it was and how friendly the staff was. It is really the perfect park for a three year old. Carousels, a train ride, bumper cars, and even a roller coaster! Jacob was convinced that he needed to try the roller coaster out. I, on the other hand, was not so eager so Abby and I watched Brad and Jacob from our comfy seat on the benches. Jacob did really well, although he kept saying, "I don't want to ride the roller coaster again" each time we asked what he wanted to do next.

I highly recommend this park for a day trip (and the Vacaville outlets are just across the street--an added bonus for Mommy). It was a perfect, much needed, day for our family. Nice to get our mind off of adult things for a day and focus 100% on our kids. What could be better?