Merry Christmas

I never used to be a crier. It would always take a lot to bring me to tears. Most of the time I only recall crying when I would get really angry. I would get so frustrated that crying was the only thing I could do.

Motherhood completely changed that. Three years ago, after giving birth to a baby boy, I became an official crier. Everything makes me cry. The first time I heard the words, "Mama" or when Jacob was old enough to say, "I love you" completely reduced me to a puddle of tears.

But I vividly remember one crying session three years ago today. It was my first Christmas Eve as a mother. I remember sitting at church, holding my precious baby boy in my arms and hearing about my own Savior as a baby. It was the first time I could actually relate to Mary, Jesus' mother, on a personal level. How much joy she must have felt as she held the baby that she carried for nine months for the first time outside her body. How she must have stayed awake like so many mothers do all night just watching his little chest rise and fall with every breath. How much love she must have instantly felt when looking into his eyes.

All of these things I have felt as a mother. But for Mary, when she looked into her precious newborn's eyes she was looking into the face of God. How incredible, how holy, how completely perfect. This realization, that Mary gave birth to not just a son, but to God's own son, made me weep with gratitude. The thought of God, coming down from his throne in heaven in the form of a baby so that we can spend eternity with Him makes me cry out to him in awe, in thankfulness, and in love.

I've cried for many reasons already this holiday season. Mostly because my heart is breaking that I can't be with my father here on earth any more to celebrate this wonderful time of year. But I've also cried when rejoicing in the fact that my dad is with my eternal Father forever. And so tonight at our Christmas Eve service I cried once again at the thought of a baby, born of a virgin, coming to earth to save the world from sin.

I am so thankful for that baby boy. A boy who would grow into a perfect man who would hang on the cross for me. Who would face ridicule, scorn, and death so that I can spend eternity with Him. What a wonderfully amazing gift from my perfect Savior. What a truly holy night. And what a great reason to cry. To cry out to Jesus in humility, in gratitude, and in true awe of the one who came to earth to redeem a fallen world. Thank you Jesus for this truly awesome Christmas gift.