One of those days...

While I still have many exciting posts that I need to get to (Disneyland, the So You Think You Can Dance tour, etc.), I'm just having one of those days. Maybe it's because it's the first official day of rain that we've had this season, maybe it's because I'm exhausted from three no-nap days for Jacob, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm officially in a funk.

Fall has always been my favorite season. At the first sign of leaves falling (which is pretty early at our house considering we have over a dozen oak trees in our backyard) I bust out all of my harvest decorations. And the pumpkins. Don't get me started. I love everything pumpkin. Not the actual jack-o-lantern giant squash. I don't decorate the house with millions of orange pumpkins. But I do stock up on everything pumpkin flavored, scented, anything. I even have pumpkin soap. And when I went to Noah Bagels the other day I ordered what the lady called, "pumpkin on pumpkin" meaning a pumpkin bagel with pumpkin cream cheese. I even feel like I'm starting to get a tan from all the orange colored foods I've been consuming.

Aside from my freaky pumpkin fetish, this year just hasn't been the same. I've yet to get all of my decorations out and I'm really lacking the motivation. Today when I took the kids out to the car and I inhaled the fresh smell of the season's first sprinkling I felt like I might have a panic attack. Everything brought me right back to last year. Last year when Dad was diagnosed, when he had his kidney taken out and Brad took off so much work so I could be at the hospital with Dad, when we were unaware of exactly what the future would hold. It's amazing how smells, even the weather, can do that to you.

So for some reason (I always do this, don't ask me why. I must be a glutton for punishment) I decided it would be a good idea to look through the last pictures I have of Dad. I inserted the CD of his retirement party pictures and came across this picture of my mom and dad with the kids. It surprised me, I didn't even realize that this had been taken. But I am so grateful for it and into the folder of cherished photos it goes. It saddens me that I'll have to tell my kids about their amazing grandfather instead of them actually experiencing it. But I am grateful for photos like these that will show Jacob just how much he loved his Papa and how his Papa loved his little "Toad".